Mommy issues

A few years ago, feeling like I would forever be single or incapable of having a stable, healthy relationship, I thought to myself, "If I'm not married by 30, I'm gonna adopt a baby." Because at 18, being 30 is like, old. Being 21 is not really that much older than 18, but the fact that 30 is less than a decade away seems to have changed my perspective.

I've been at my new internship for the past 2 or so weeks and I've learned more about babies and raising babies than I really care to know. And while looking at pictures of oh so adorable babies (I have a girl in a pink tutu posted on the side of my cubicle) makes me want an adorable one of my own, reading letters from stressed out moms and dads about pooping problems, which foods they should introduce to their child's diet, when the best time is for naps, and why their kids are touching themselves or other kids, makes me want to not have kids at all. Or at least, not any time soon. And by soon, I mean, definitely NOT by the time I'm 30.

I attended an editorial meeting earlier this week where the editor-in-chief talked about changes to the magazine, and the feminist/I-never-want-to-be-a-stay-at-home-mom in me seemed to wake up (whereas me, in real life, fought the urge to fall asleep in front of everyone). Why is it that these parenting magazines are aimed at moms and not dads? Does a woman's life become completely taken over by her children once she has them? What if I want to read about shoes and handbags instead of diapers and strollers?

But then again, I read these articles about fun things to do with your kids and it makes me want to be one of those moms. The fun moms. The loving moms. A mom. Not the woman who gives birth and hands her children off to a nanny while she attends to her e-mails and meetings. But... I don't know. I have years to figure that out. All I know is, thank god for birth control!